One Hell of a Butler Funny
I wanted to hire a marsupial butler...
but none of the applicants were koala-fied.
A rich woman feigns illness andbleavesba party early
When she gets home, she calls the butler to her bedroom.
"Jeeves? Take off my coat."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my high heels."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, unzip my dress, and remove it...throw it on the floor!
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my brassiere and panties."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves?"
"Yes, madam?"
"If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."
A man by the name of Ronald Bates came home to find his butler being arrested...
"What in the world could my butler have done to be arrested?" Bates asked the police officer handcuffing the butler.
"We had a complaint from you next door neighbor that he was yelling obscene remarks," the police officer replied.
"Obscene remarks?!?! What was he saying?!?!"
"The neighbors say that, for a few minutes on end, he kept yelling 'Masturbates,' 'Masturbates!'
What do you call a butler with a new set of teeth?
An endentured servant
A Rich Woman And Her Butler
A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler,
Throckmorton, the night off.
She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home early.
She walked into the house and eyed Throckmorton sitting alone in the dining room.
She called for him to follow her. She led him to the master bedroom.
She closed and locked the door. She looked at him and smiled.
"Throckmorton. Take off my dress." He did so, carefully.
"Throckmorton. Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.
"Throckmorton. Remove my bra and panties." The tension mounted as he complied.
Finally she looked at him and said,
"Throckmorton. If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."
What did the butler say to one orphan while taking care of another orphan with emetophilia?
Robin, get the Bat more bile.
What did the butler say to the German Scientist when they ran out of whine?
Nein wine, Einstein.
I can't believe my son is dating a butler.
It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Jeeves.
What do the elderly lord, lady and butler all have in common?
They all died in the same manor.
What is the perfect name for an Indian butler?
Mahatma Coat
What did Batman say when he found a stranger in the Batcave?
I can't believe it's not Butler
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Did you read that somewhat racy novel about Jeeves the butler?
It was written by PG-13 Wodehouse.
What do you call an Indian butler?
Ma hat Ma coat
A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"
He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now out of my sight! If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
What did Rhett Butler say when asked for a river containment wall
Frankly, I don't give a dam.
How many optimists does it take change a light bulb?
NONE!
The butler changes the light bulb.
A Male Gigolo...
A male gigolo who doesn't have sex with his client is a butler.
A lady and her butler..
Mr.Bates gets a butler
(My dad told me this joke)
Butler:Good Morning Mr. Bates.
Bates: Please address me as master from now on
Butler: My sincere apologies Master Bates...
What do Batman and Black Sabbath have in common?
They both have a geezer butler.
Imagine if Norman Bates had a butler.
How can I help you today, Master Bates?
A 6th-grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes:
A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.
One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.
Now, what does each get?
After a very long silence in the classroom, one little boy raised his hand.
With complete sincerity in his voice, answered, A lawyer!
Lord Williams turns to his butler
Lord Williams turns to his butler: "Jones, please prepare my black suit and binoculars. I'm going to a funeral."
"But why do you need binoculars?" Asks Jones
"My distant relative has died." Says Lord Williams
What do you call a depressed butler?
A coat hanger.
I managed to get a butler who works for free
I normally have really rotten luck, but I managed to get a butler who works for free. However, when I saw him, I realised he has lost his left arm;
Serves me right...
James Bater had a tough time finding a butler.
Every single one he employed kept calling his son Master Bater.
A friend of mine has a butler whose left arm is missing.
Serves him right
I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home.
I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.
My friend has hired a Butler without a left arm.
Serves him right.
A wealthy man on a business trip calls home and the butler answers the phone: Can I talk to my wife, please?
The butler answers that she is currently in the bedroom with a man. What?!! Take the rifle in my study, go to the bedroom and shoot them both - I'll stay on the line
Very well, sir , the butler answers and he walks away from the phone. After about a minute, the man hears two gunshots and a moment later, the butler returns to the phone.
I shot them both, sir. What should I do with the bodies?
I don't care, throw them in the pool
We don't have a pool, sir
Ah, sorry, wrong number
I think I'm falling in love with my friend's butler.
Serves me right.
What do you call a butler with false teeth?
An indentured servant.
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